You made me cry and you don't even care
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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