shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
