I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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