so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
