just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
