Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
