I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
