I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
