Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
