Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
