My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize