Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you traded sex for a burrito?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
