I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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