nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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