I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And then he peed in my hair
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