did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
