Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

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  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (23414) Bad night (775)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?

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  (847): How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women? http://tfl.nu/e8g0
  Replies (92) Good night (1403) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....

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  (907): i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine.... http://tfl.nu/xp53
  Replies (28) Good night (1961) Bad night (4347) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?

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  (718): I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life? http://tfl.nu/2jrg
  Replies (27) Good night (703) Bad night (3140) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

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  (718): I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed. http://tfl.nu/ihm6
  Replies (9) Good night (1495) Bad night (3712) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19820) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.

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  (905): They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend. http://tfl.nu/j59u
  Replies (4) Good night (1847) Bad night (2867) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving

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  (509): Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving http://tfl.nu/hfo8
  Replies (3) Good night (1331) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  This tent reeks of fear and sangria

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  (623): This tent reeks of fear and sangria http://tfl.nu/pbhq
  Replies (3) Good night (1425) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.

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  (502): I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can. http://tfl.nu/7z31
  Replies (4) Good night (1597) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.

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  (304): High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/jxf6
  Replies (14) Good night (1901) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!

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  (314): Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo! http://tfl.nu/csd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1343) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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  (575): I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable. http://tfl.nu/vijz
  Replies (3) Good night (1298) Bad night (830)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap

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  (630): 230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap http://tfl.nu/1j0c
  Replies (24) Good night (830) Bad night (2678) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.

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  (724): Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"? (214): Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments. http://tfl.nu/ino1
  Replies (1) Good night (1734) Bad night (369)

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