We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!