I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
