I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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