Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
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