Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
