I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
