chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
