Yo dont text me then not text me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
