We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
