god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
