it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
