I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
