Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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