Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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