I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
