he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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