The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
