Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
