Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Small penises have feelings too.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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