Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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