Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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