Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
