You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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