He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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