Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
soo... how was my night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
