I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
