can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
