The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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