she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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