i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
