let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize