if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
