Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had sex on a roof
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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