Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
