mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
