surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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