What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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