i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
