i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
