I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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