what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
