we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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