Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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