shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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