please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
