like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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