I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
